Local temps: variable in the extreme

I suppose it's not uncommon for a big old house like this to have some areas that are cooler and some that are warmer. I've been told, for example, that heat rises, which explains why when the top floor is at a comfortable temperature, the bottom floor feels like the arctic tundra. I will often sit upstairs in my office, starving yet unwilling to brave the frost to get through the kitchen where the food is.

What I don't understand is why certain areas on the same floor can vary so much. The other night, I trudged upstairs from the frigid living room and entered my comfortably toasty bedroom. Halfway across the room, however, I ran smack into a wall of heat that crushed my soul. Fearing that what I was experiencing might be the onset of hot flashes, I mentioned it to Fred, who confirmed that yes, indeed, one half of the bedroom is significantly hotter than the other half.

"If you think that's something," he added, "go check out my closet." I stepped into the dressing room and opened the door to Fred's closet and was greeted by an intense blast of heat.

Fred's closet is the gateway to hell. It's the only explanation that makes any sense.